Monday 25 July 2011

337 miles and painful legs!!

There are days when I wish I didn't have stupid ideas. One of those days was today! Monday morning, I wake up, well nearly wake up, squinting through the blood shot eyes into the mirror, aching all over. "God, who's stupid idea was yesterdays madness??" was my first thought of the morning. My thighs aching from gripping a tank for 337 miles. I've never done that much mileage in less than a day on the Monster. The most I had managed before yesterday was about 220 miles when I bought the Monster back in 2006! I was five years younger! I was probably 2 stone lighter! I was in better shape rather than just a shape... I'm getting old! Bollocks!

Back to yesterdays adventures! This all started after watching an old episode of Coast on the Yesterday freeview channel. The coast team were wandering around East Angular! As with my plan of getting down to Lydd and seeing the big "listening ears" on the island in the gravel pit, the old Orford Ness pagodas were another one of those old war time places I wanted to see. Well, plan sorted, sunshine predicted by the BBC fortune teller and bike was ready to roll.

Finally rolling out of the secret workshop at 9am, I was on my way east, the far east to be exact, well you can't get any further east in this country than Lowestoft! The madness started with a blast along the rather non exciting M4 in to London. Those nasty people have now stolen my "bus" lane and it's rather boring. I have to ride along with those commoners in their motor cars now! Still, at least the road was taking the bike and myself eastwards, well the sun was in my face so that was east, ish!

First stop of the morning was along Roman Road. Cash was required. Then after 20 seconds of thinking "why am I stopping along Roman Road?", it dawned on me that I was nearly back home! Maybe I should head for Chelmsford Road. Maybe I shouldn't as the locals would not be impressed with 180kgs (and at times a 180db) of Ducati thundering quietly along the road. I diverted round Victoria Park, through Homerton, I'm sure there used to a Matchbox model car factory here, not a bloody Olympic stadium! and I was back heading through Leyton towards the A12.

After a non eventful ride round Romford and then finally past the M25, I was free and out in the Essex countryside. Great, I love Essex. After finally getting bored of the A12, I decided it was time for a break and annoyed my sister and her neighbours for a coffee break. Chelmsford was finally left behind and now it was onwards, deciding wether to head to Orford first or just go to Southwold and get fish and chips. Well, I headed for Southwold. After the dual carriageway of the A12 was replaced by single lane, I was happier, the bike happier and the world seemed happy. Then I realised I was in Suffolk, so I was even more happier than being in Essex or London.

Nothing much had changed, the roads were winding there way through the countryside, broken up by a few villages and petrol stations, the old Monster still clacking along with not too much trouble. Ok, the only trouble was the fact she kept drinking all the petrol! My first proper stop was looming, I had decided on Southwold. I pulled up in the pay and display car park, looking for the motorcycle bay, and low and behold, no f-ing motorcycle bay. Did I have to pay to park? Do I park in a car space? Do I just dump it on the pavement? Shall I give up... yes! I parked on a residential road in the end, not far from the pier so I was happy. The sea was wild, the sky blue and the fish and chips looked tasty, but for some reason I wasn't hungry. As I wandered back to the bike, I heard the familiar rumble of dry clutches. Yes, here comes the UKMOC.... As someone had not been on the Monster Owners Club site for a while and didn't read that they were having a ride out to Southwold from London, I was a bit suprised to see a collection of Monsters appear in a quiet sea side town in Suffolk, so I left!


In my little brain, I had decided "I've been to the Lizard Point and Land's End, lets get the third one out of the way!" Ness Point, Lowestoft, the most easterly point of mainland Great Britain. Now, the Lizard and Land's End are quite easy to find and I will try to explain about Ness Point. I'm thinking "ok, it could be like Land's End, a small sign post thing, maybe a little cafe or something, few seats, the old mileage plaque to different places in the world". How wrong was I??? At the 'arse' end of an industrial estate, just down from the fish market, next to a half finished concrete staircase (well that is what it looked like) in the shadow of a wind turbine is Ness Point, down Gasworks Road (says it all really), near a bus depot! I only managed to find it as none of the road signs actually stated Ness Point and I decided to follow the blue cycling / footpath signs. Still, I've now got three of the extremities of the UK covered, I just need to get my arse in gear and get to John O'Groats.




As with all new places I go to, I have to leave my mark. This was done in usual fashion. There was a dog contest going on near the beach in Lowestoft, next to a pay & display car park. I'm parked in the p&d car park looking at my map. I actually didn't realise I was next to a dog judging crufts type competition. Still, I started the V-twin in usual fashion and sent most of the dogs running across the judging area! Top job! I was going to look for lunch, but decided to exit stage door west, back to Southwold as the fish looked nice!




And it was! A nice bit of cod and chips enjoyed on the pier. Even with the view of the beach huts one side and Sizewell the other... After working out timings and the fact I had the wrong lid and visor with me, I decided at 4pm it might be a good idea to start heading homewards otherwise I'll be trying out my biker 'Force' moves after sunset! Back to the A12 I go!

Finally, after a petrol stop I get to Orford Quay. How quiet that place is, is unbelievable! As usually, I attracted the local nutter! A blokie had just come back from fishing out along the quay somewhere and his old battered Fiesta had a puncture. Queue talking to the nutter in the leathers routine! Oh well, at least I could just hide in the crowd of bikers! All three of them, with their Goldwings! Why Goldwings?? They are the size of a Fiesta, without the comforts like windows, roof, seatbelts, a stereo that you can hear (sometimes) and heating!! Oh well, they were all old bikers and have probably ridden every bike under the sun to get to the Goldwing! The Goldwing clan left, with a few local kids chasing after them. The local kids liked the Goldwings! Now, the big (which looked rather small) red Ducati they did not like. Maybe that was down to the little red button with "Loud" written on it. One press of that button and the kids run off and so did the aliens from Rendlesham Forest as I rode through there on the way back to the A12. Nothing to see there, move along!!





And finally, I appeared back on the A12, like the morning ride up the A12, going home was greeted with the sun on my face but a new feeling had appeared, tiredness! 240 miles riding a bike with as much aerodynamics as a brick, with a brick sitting in the middle of it, running at mainly national speed limit speeds had taken its toll. My thighs were aching, my right arm aching, my back starting to not really enjoy the potholes, every little move was just annoying and getting boring, so I had a bright idea, "instead of the M25 back to Heathrow, I'll take the North Circular!" Twat!!! Bloody road works, potholes, kamakazi scooter and Gixxer riders! I was so glad to see the Park Royal sign appear! I think it took longer to get passed Henleys Corner than getting from Colchester to the North Circular!

Finally, a brief stop over at the Ace Cafe for a fizzy pop and a ponder. The mileage on the bike now read 14420, I left the workshop with 14110 on the clock! 310 miles done!! Two full tanks of petrol used, just the A40 left to go.

Finally, twelve hours after leaving, I rolled the old Monster back to the secret workshop. The final reading 14447! I'd been through Surrey, Middlesex, London, Essex and Suffolk. I'd only gone out for fish and chips and it ended up in a big adventure! I don't care! This is what the bike is for! Getting away from it all for a day / week / month, not following a Satnav, exploring places I just like the look of on the TV or just seeing a road sign that makes me think "sod it, lets see what that is!".




The only downside is the aching this morning!! At least I can recover for my next adventure! Land's End must be visited soon!

Monday 4 July 2011

After too much time of having my old Monster in varying states of repair or just plain broken, I finally managed a decent ride out on the old girl.

It's slowly approaching, I've owned the old '93 Monnie nearly five years, well on December 23rd it will be five years. Do I regret buying her back in the heady days of 2006, no. Do I regret spending nearly the price of a brand new 1100 Evo on her, no. I always wanted a 900 Monster since they came out, and now I've got one, I am not about to let her go. No matter how many cars decide to try and kill her (and the rider as well!).

Back to the quality time, well after failing her MOT twice and then passing third time (it's always the lucky time third time!) with the aid of a near rear wheel, the weather gods were being kind, my other commitments were scrapped. They can wait until Monday! Sunday is bike day!


A drive over to the secret workshop (in Hayes, it's the noisy one), to be greeted with the lovely sight of a fully functioning, oiled up, half a tank of petrol Monster, sitting on her carpet just waiting to go out and annoy, sorry, enjoy and embrace the locals of the south east of England. Car parked up, bike wheeled out, leathers on, lid cleaned, alarm set and shutter door closed. It was time to head off in no particular direction, just point the front end, watch out for the numpty car drivers and have fun.

I managed to wheel the bike across the industrial estate yard before noticing something was not quite right. The bike felt heavy! On closer inspection the rear tyre was flat! Now, I will only push the bike across the yard due to broken pallets leaving nice pointy shiny nails strewn across the yard and I was not looking forward to paying out another £140 for a Diablo two weeks after buying the one on the wheel! Shutter reopened, alarm unset and air compressor grabbed. Tyre pumping up, no hissing, no nails or other objects in the tyre, strange phenomenon (I know a song about that)!

Finally, off out on the bike. Well, I haven't used her in anger for a long time. It must be nearly 3 years since I gave the old girl a spirited blast along the country roads. The first 20 or so miles I still was worrying about the rear tyre. In the end I just decided to head for P&H and if it goes flat, well I'll just get it back to the workshop in some daring and cunning fashion! The ride to P&H wasn't really inspiring, just a boring point and go ride around the traffic hotspots of Surrey. After a quick browse at the bikes (I do like the new ZX6R, but I still can't see the point of a sports bikes in a country where the speed limit is 70mph if you're lucky and have a clear run on the M25!).

Leaving some learners and P&H in my noise laden wake, the learners were not impressed as they couldn't hear their instructor barking out instructions! I headed for the A272, via Findon. Now I was feeling more comfortable on the bike, relaxing more, chucking it around but not quite in a Casey Stoner fashion. Not on the stupid resurfaced roads of Surrey and Sussex, "lets chuck a pile of stones down on some wet tarmac and see how many bikes we can get off the road" resurfacing.


After a brief stop in The Village Shop in Findon for a quick and quiet sarnie, the A283 from Shoreham was calling me to come and play, only because it's nicer than heading back up the A24 to the A272. Now the silly grin was coming on. The temperamental teenager was beginning to strut her stuff, shouting down any opposition, not putting a foot wrong and actually running smoothly. Did I manage to fix something properly? Without the aid of gaffa tape and cable ties! No surely, the bike is going to do something daft and break down! Nope, everything was fine, better than fine. She was in a fine mood!

Riding some of the nicest roads sarf side of London, enjoying the scenery of West Sussex and Hampshire. Even heading through the walled market town of Petworth still makes me smile. Houses one side, big tall wall the other side of the road, Monster with Termis in the middle. I hope the residents have decent windows!

Finally, we got to Loomies for last orders, just in time for a quick refuel of black sugary fizzy pop and some petrol (I think I put the right liquids in the right holes), and it was time to head back to the secret workshop. Well, the long way of course! From Loomies, snaking across to Henley on Thames just intime to see the posh knobs packing up from a day at the Regatta, then out of Henley back towards the safety of Heathrow and Hayes. Day done, silly grin still on face mission completed.

After 8 hours of bike riding, over 200 glorious miles of grinning madness, a bug covered headlight and visor, life with the 18 year old Nessie is good again! She isn't the prettiest Monster in the neighbourhood, she certainly has her moments in not being the most reliable, she throws tantrums when she wants to but these are becoming rarer, and she wants to prove to my mate that the original, classic M900 is a far better bike than his new shiny 1100S ABS.


As for the flat rear tyre situation at the beginning of the day, I have checked the CCTV at the workshop and caught one of the sub contractor drivers we use to take freight down to Gibraltar letting my tyre down. All because I woke him up at 845am on Friday. Oh well, someone has just lost a haulage contract now!